Birth Order Revised

I'm sure many of you have read the email titled "Birth Order" that describes the progressive declining behavior/anal-ness of parents as they have more children. I think this email is hilarious because like most things that are funny- it rings very true- especially for me. I have posted it here for your reading pleasure. I have also added a few more that I have discovered as the number of my offspring has increased and the expectations I have for them and myself has decreased.
BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.

2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3 rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.

2nd baby : Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins:

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.

2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.

3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his allowance!______________________________________________________
Here is where my own begin:
Bath time:
1st child: Bath time is a special daily bonding time with all kinds of toys and extreme monitoring of temperature.
2nd child: Baths are an every other day occurence with whatever toys haven't been lost yet.
3rd child: 3 times a week is plenty for baths and the temperature is only checked when someone yells, "Its too hot, Mom!"
4th child: Saturday night baths for sure and the 4th child knows how start their own bath, undress themselves and find their own toys to put in.

Dealing with owwies:
1st child: Lots of hugs, anti-septic wipes, band-aids with characters and kissing of the owwie.
2nd child: A hug, a character band-aid and a kiss.
3rd child: A plain band-aid (You've wised up to the fact that if you buy band-aids with characters, they are used for everything but their intended purpose.) and a kiss
4th child: Kisses their own owwie better.

TV viewing
1st child: Very strict control and no more than the recommended 2 hours a day.
2nd child: Allowed to earn more TV time by playing outside and can watch the occassional movie.
3rd child: Can watch as much as they want as long as it is on PBS.
4th child: Can work the DVD player at 2.

Potty-training:
1st child: Consult everyone, read all the books and have all sorts of incentives and motivators. Purchasing the "big boy pants" or "big girl panties" is a day that is heralded as a monumental benchmark in childhood- right up there with the first lost tooth or even graduation.
2nd child: "I know I read a book about potty-training- what was it again?" Throw some underwear in the cart next time you're at Target.
3rd child: By now you know the signs of the child being ready to potty-train and only start when you see them. Oh wait, you forgot to buy new underwear. Guess it'll have to wait until next week.
4th child: Hold out a used pair of holey underwear and tell/threaten your toddler that they can wear these if they promise the training won't take more than a day.

Learning:
1st child: Great lengths are taken to teach the ABCs taking into account the potential learning modalities of the child- tactical tracing, songs, computer games, books,art activites all about each letter.
2nd child: "I know I bought some books about each letter- Where are they?"
3rd child: It counts as being read to if the 1st child reads to the 3rd child- right?!?
4th child: Can sing this without you being able to recall ever teaching it to them:


Lullabies:
1st child: Vast repertoire of lullabies sung to the child at bedtime or anytime.
2nd child: Sing a song or two at bedtime.
3rd child: Sing themselves to sleep.
4th child: Sings this instead of lullabies:

In case you can't make this out- that is our two year old singing the chorus to "We Will Rock You" by Queen- complete with the sound effect of the percussions-"bump, bump, pish". We're so proud!

Teaching Moments

There is an infamous story in my family about when my Dad gave my brother THE TALK. We were living in Georgia, the month was May, the year was when my brother was 12- conditions were perfect for my Dad to give my brother the big talk. I'm sure my Dad had prepared a well-researched, age appropriate talk with properly timed analogies and pauses- allowing for the inevitable questions that such a sublime talk would illict. Thus my Dad proceeds to give his oldest son the talk on a sunny, southern (read:humid) May afternoon upstairs in the boy's bedroom- where of course he feels comfortable- part of the genius of the well-planned talk. After my Dad finishes his speech he lovingly and knowingly asks, "Now son, do you have any questions?"- being fully prepared for any follow-up inquires about such a sensitive matter. My brother says, "Yea." Now I wasn't there, but I can imagine- because I am a parent myself now and I know my Dad pretty well, that my Dad sat up a little straighter thinking that his primed arrow had reached its target because the boy now has a question. My brother then says, "When can we turn on the air conditioning?" Again I wasn't there, but if I was and I had super-sonic hearing, I think I would have heard a little "pwoooo" as the air went out of my Dad's ego.
I tell this story because I had a similar experience yesterday with Annie. I didn't give her THE talk and my teaching moment wasn't so well-planned. Rather it was quite spontaneous- but that only added to the pleasure I originally took in it because all the "experts" say you should turn regular, everyday moments into teaching moments. So the equation for this situation was suppose to look like this:
Everyday occurance + imparting my pearls' of wisdom on my children = the fabulous mother that I am.
We were driving home from Easter dinner at my aunt's house when at a stop sign an older lady approached my window. I could tell she was trying to ask me something so I rolled down my window. With a thick accent she asked in broken English if the road was 39th South. I said yes and she continued to ask something else but I couldn't understand her. She sensed this and finally said, "You give me ride?" I asked where she needed a ride to and she said "39th and Highland." I told her yes and she climbed in the front seat. From our limited conversation I got that she had called her daughter several times but was unable to reach her and she had waited and waited for the bus which never came. I told her it was probably because of the Easter holiday- although this was mostly likely lost on her because I'm pretty sure she had no idea what Easter was. After we dropped her off at her destination, my kids had all kinds of questions: "Who was she?", "What was her name?", "Why couldn't we understand her when she talked?", "Why didn't her daughter pick her up?", "What's her daughter's name?", "Why did you pick up a stranger when you tell us not to talk to strangers?" This last question caused a big discussion about why it was okay for me to pick her up. I talked about things like the fact that I am an adult and she was an old woman who mostly likely wouldn't hurt me. Plus she also seemed like she really needed help. Now I know that all these things could have been a ruse and she could have really hurt me if she wanted to, but I felt fine about helping her and never had any sense of danger. I decided to turn this discussion into a gospel-centered one. So I said, "I also have one thing that can help me in dangerous situations. Do you know what that is?"
Annie answers, "Pepper spray?"
Although a smart item to carry with me, this was not the answer I was looking for.
"No, the Holy Ghost." And from there I launch into a mini-impromptu sermon about how the Holy Ghost can give you a feel of peace about a decision or it can warn you if there is danger. And of course in my Grandma Sarah style, I throw in a "how grateful I am for this blessing." At the conclusion of my little oration I have the inevitable pregnant pause- where I am waiting for the follow-up gospel-centered questions to pour forth from my children. Things like "How else has the Holy Ghost helped you?", "What does it feel like when the Holy Ghost speaks to you?", "Can the Holy Ghost help us?" Unfortunately all I got was, "Mom, can you drive faster? I really have to go to the bathroom!"
"Pwoooooo." Did anyone else hear that?

When Spring break lasts 4 days too long...

...drastic measures must be taken!

Reasons Why I Love March

Now that March is almost over I thought I would expound upon why I love the month of March. These aren't listed in order of importance or significance to me, but rather in chronological order.

1. Girl scout cookies. They arrive at the beginning of the March just when you have forgotten that you have ordered them. Nothing makes your day more than getting a boatload of Girl Scout cookies you ordered back in January. I am fortunate to have a Girl Scout live across the street from me. The year I moved into this house my neighbor brought a welcome basket that contained among other things a box of thin mints. I asked her where she got the thin mints and she told me her daughter was a girl scout. I must have had a very visceral reaction to this information because every year since then, I am the first person she comes to sell to.

2."My annual proving to myself that I am physically stronger than I thought" or the Moab Canyonlands Half Marathon. I have done this three times with my family and each year I surprise myself that I can in fact run 13.1 miles and not die. I have even improved my time every year. I do not consider myself very athletic or sporty and one of my biggest regrets from high school is that I quit the cross-country team after about 2 weeks. I wonder if I had been more self- disciplined in the physical department when I was young, I could be more athletically inclined now. But that is water under the bridge and I am hear to tell all you non-runners, if I can do it ANYONE can! There really is something fulfilling about training and finishing a race like this. There really are many life lessons you can learn from running. One I learned about myself is that I am not the fastest or most competitive runner out there. But I am consistent. I don't start out really fast or really sprint at the end or run for while then walk. I begin at a good even pace and I can keep it up the entire race. I believe that this is reflected in my personality and character. I'm not flashy or an all or nothing person. But I am dependable and I can keep my head down and finish the race. I think this trait is very much needed in my life right now.

Anyway it was a fun weekend and one I needed. There is no one I laugh more with than my family. We collectively found out that running loosens up several parts of your body- from your mouth on down!

3. Celebration of the day I became a mother. Finn made me a mother 10 years ago on March 22nd. It blows me away that I have a 10 year old son. I have very vivid memories of being 10 so I better be careful about what I say and do! It is so rewarding and fun to watch Finn turn into a young man. He has always been responsible and he is incredibly helpful. But recently his sense of humor has really been developing and he is coming out if his shell. It is also fun to watch him forming his own opinions and making connections. For example last week we were watching Biggest Loser and it was weigh-in time. Finn and Annie were talking about who the contestants reminded them of- family or friends. It was Filipe's turn to weigh-in and they were asking him how he felt. He said something about being grateful for his blessings. Then after his weigh-in when he hadn't lost very much weight the host again asked him how he felt about it. He responded that he has to look for the sunshine where he can find it. After this I told Finn and Annie that Filipe and Sion were members of the same church as us. Finn exclaimed, "I knew it!" I said, "How did you know it?" He said, "Because he was talking about sunshine and blessings and being grateful, stuff you hear in church talks." Then later in the show Filipe again was talking about following your heart. After this comment, Finn again piped up, "See Mormons are always talking about their hearts!" Very true.

4. Besides my firstborn, there are many people who are near and dear to me that celebrate their birthdays in March. So Happy Birthday to Susan, Amber, Jessica and Julie. I hope you love the month of March as much as I do.

5. Julie's sister-in-law, Jackie, changed my cell phone so I have predictive text... it has literally changed my life and made my texting response time a notch above slower than molasses!

It's a Journal-Worthy Day when...

. . .Suzie can finally wear a tinnie-tiny ponytail in her hair!
I have several more important things to blog about but they will have to wait. This is all I had time for today!

Pay it Forward

So I know I just finished saying I wasn't in a blogging place right now, but I saw this idea on my friend Kelly's blog and I love this kind of thing- so thanks Kelly and Lindsay for helping me to blog twice in just as many hours. Maybe you have pulled me out of my slump... we'll see.
But here's the deal...The first 3 people to leave a comment on this post will receive, at some point during the year, a handmade gift/treat from me. What it will be and when it will arrive is a total surprise! The catch is that you must participate as well. Before you leave your comment, write up a pay it forward post on your blog to keep the fun going (or be lazy and copy and paste like I did). Then come back, let me know you're going to play and sit back and anticipate the arrival of your gift!
Yeah, for homemade things!

I just have one thing to say...

I just finished playing Monopoly with Finn for 2 hours and I pretty much schooled him. I attribute this to 2 things-

1.) This is the first time Finn has ever played Monopoly

2.) Buying all the railroads as soon as I can. There is a railroad on every side-increasing the potential to be landed on and if you own all 4, the rent is $200 which gives you a lot of quick capital to buy property and houses.

This is my bit of wisdom for the day. Sorry I haven't blogged much lately. I'm not really in a blogging place right now, but I'm sure I'll get my groove back one day.