Sunday, November 21, 2010

Touchdown Jesus and the second closet I've come to having a heart attack.

Despite what the title of this post might imply, seeing touchdown jesus is not what caused me to come the second closest to having a heart attack. And it wasn't the fact that the utes suffered an embarrassing loss so close to touchdown jesus... I'm not that big of a ute fan. (Although it may have been the closest eric has ever been to having a heart attack when the utes gave up a touchdown within the first 13 seconds of the second half of the game that was so close to touchdown jesus.) I'm sure I have utterly confused you with the post, so I will back up a bit. First of all this is touchdown jesus:

And he is found on the Notre Dame college campus where eric and I went to watch the utes play on one of the most historic football fields in the country. We went for the 123 years of football tradition that is found on this college campus. We went to see the 11 national championships won by a college football team. We went to see the statue of the "Gipper"- the most winning football coach in college football history. We went to see the campus that "Rudy" walked on. What we didn't do was go to watch the utes lose. And to be perfectly honest here, I personally didn't go for any of those reasons at all. I mainly went for the yummy food I would be having in Chicago. But the point is we almost didn't go at all. And that makes for the second closest I've ever come to having a heart attack.

About two months ago eric came home with 4 tickets to the Utah vs. Notre Dame football game. He gave 2 to our friends who would be going with us and he kept the other 2 for us in an envelope which he set on the counter. I have this big, long counter that separates my kitchen from my family room and it is the catch-all for all kinds of things- receipts, backpacks, mail, magazines, notes from school, keys, cell phone chargers, etc. I'm sure you all have a space like it. Well eric put the tickets on the counter and they kept falling on the floor or being lost in a pile of mail or moved around to a different pile of stuff. So one day after I had picked them up off the floor for about the tenth time, I told eric, "You need to put these tickets in a safe place because I don't want to be responsible for losing them." Do you see any foreshadowing here? Anyway by proclaiming this I "washed my hands" of keeping track of them. But apparently what eric heard was "I'm going to put these tickets in a safe place so you don't have to be responsible for them." because on the morning of our flight about 10 minutes before we needed to leave he asked, "So where are the football tickets?" I replied, "I don't know." To which he replied, "Seriously, where are they?" To which I replied, "Seriously, I don't know. The last I saw them was on the counter." To which he then went into the kitchen to look for them and to which I proceeded to finish my hair thinking, "Silly man. Doesn't he remember I absolved myself of all responsibility concerning those tickets." To which after 5 minutes he comes in and tells me they aren't on the counter. To which I then go into the kitchen mumbling under my breath "He's as bad as the kids. He expects the tickets to reach out and grab his hand. Can't he just move a few papers around to look for them?" To which after 5 minutes of me moving papers and going through piles of mail and emptying out drawers I start having heart palpitations.
So after about 20 minutes of frantic searching all our usual and unusual piles, paperstacks, drawers, and crevices they were no where to be found. Eric decided to go check his office and I decided to pray- not to touchdown jesus, but to the real one. As if He cared, but I did receive a text during all this and for a split second thought that maybe the man upstairs had gone high-tech in answering prayers these days. Eric came home empty- handed and started making calls to the Utah chapter of the Notre Dame Association, where he had bought the tickets and the Notre Dame football ticket office. So suffice it to say we were able to get reprints of our tickets that would be waiting for us at will-call. Heart attack averted! We were able to enjoy the game and trip with these lovely, incredibly tall people- our friends Marcy and Andy. (eric and I are standing on bleachers, they are not!)

And coincidentally enough the absolute closest I have ever come to a heart attack involves Andy and his incredible tallness. But that is a story for another day!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

"Three dollars downtown at the newspaper"

The title of this post may make absolutely no sense to you if you haven't seen "Farley Family Reunion." "Farley Family Reunion" is one of my all time favorite movies and is probably the most often quoted one in my family... meaning my siblings and parents. It is a Mormon culture classic. I even had my non-Mormon friends quoting it in high school. It is a one man act by James Farley where he depicts all the stereotypical members of an extended family. The set-up is a program at a family reunion where different members of the family come up and report about their "doings" or perform a talent or give a family history report, etc. He nails every character from the annoyed teenager who has to do her baton twirling routine because her mother is forcing her to the Relief Society lady who tells pioneer stories while wearing her apron that turns into a bonnet to the old grandma who brings her x-rays to show what is wrong with her. The list goes on and on. And if you are a member of a LDS family and have ever been to a family reunion you will relate to at least one if not more of these characters. It is hilarous!

Anyway, what that has to do with this post is in the movie there is a character who has won "three dollars downtown at the newspaper" for a story he has written and the proud parent tells everyone over and over and over how the kid won "three dollars downtown at the newspaper." Well in our family we also have an award winning writer. And even though Finn didn't win "three dollars downtown at the newspaper" he did win a free ticket to the city's Haunted Halloween trail, which is worth less than 3 dollars. But nevertheless he did get to read his Halloween story at the "spooky" storytellers evening at the park.

So in honor of this prestigious award, this proud parent is posting his "free ticket to the Haunted Halloween trail" winning story, complete with pictures and all.
The Three Mutant Alien Pigs

Once upon a time there were three Mutant Alien Pigs. Their names were Mario, Alfonzo and Jerry. They were too old to live with their mother so they got into their spaceship and flew to the Planet Eggplant. But before they left their mother told them to watch out for the Big Bad Mutant Space Wolf. They told her not to worry; then they left.
Mario was looking for a spot for his house when he saw a spot for his house. He saw a big box of Cracker Jacks just sitting there. He had a great idea. A hosue built from Cracker Jacks! So he did.
Alfonzo was doing the same when he saw a Big Orange selling little oranges. He had the same idea. (But with oranges.) So he built his house. Now I know what you are thinking. Houses made from food? Let's just say they aren't very smart.

Now onto the older, smarter Jerry. Jerry saw a metal store so he went inside and bought a 5000 lbs mix of titanium steel, and built his house from that. Then an unknown spaceship landed in Eggplant and out came a bounty hunter named "The Big Bad Mutant Space Wolf." He came to capture the pigs because they were on the F.B.I. most wanted list, and the F.B.I. sent the wolf to capture the pigs!
First he went to Mario's house. He knocked on the door. "Let me in you Mutant Alien Pig!", cried the wolf.
"Not for all the Cracker Jacks in my house!", shouted the pig.
"Then I'll throw a watermelon at your house.", said the wolf. And he did.
So Mario got in his hover craft and flew to Alfonzo's house. He told him everything. Then the wolf came along. The pigs didn't let him in. So he threw another melon and of course it broke the house. So Mario and Alfonzo flew to Jerry's house. They told him everything. Then along came the wolf. He did the whole watermelon thing. But this time it didn't work. So the wolf went down the chimney but Jerry tazed him. He was so scared he left Eggplant. He reported back to the police chief and was slapped across the face and sent to the deserted Planet Grapefruit never to be seen again.
P.S. The pigs are still on the lose.
Too proud of him to speak... but did I mention he won "a free ticket to the Haunted Halloween trail!" :)