"Three dollars downtown at the newspaper"

The title of this post may make absolutely no sense to you if you haven't seen "Farley Family Reunion." "Farley Family Reunion" is one of my all time favorite movies and is probably the most often quoted one in my family... meaning my siblings and parents. It is a Mormon culture classic. I even had my non-Mormon friends quoting it in high school. It is a one man act by James Farley where he depicts all the stereotypical members of an extended family. The set-up is a program at a family reunion where different members of the family come up and report about their "doings" or perform a talent or give a family history report, etc. He nails every character from the annoyed teenager who has to do her baton twirling routine because her mother is forcing her to the Relief Society lady who tells pioneer stories while wearing her apron that turns into a bonnet to the old grandma who brings her x-rays to show what is wrong with her. The list goes on and on. And if you are a member of a LDS family and have ever been to a family reunion you will relate to at least one if not more of these characters. It is hilarous!

Anyway, what that has to do with this post is in the movie there is a character who has won "three dollars downtown at the newspaper" for a story he has written and the proud parent tells everyone over and over and over how the kid won "three dollars downtown at the newspaper." Well in our family we also have an award winning writer. And even though Finn didn't win "three dollars downtown at the newspaper" he did win a free ticket to the city's Haunted Halloween trail, which is worth less than 3 dollars. But nevertheless he did get to read his Halloween story at the "spooky" storytellers evening at the park.

So in honor of this prestigious award, this proud parent is posting his "free ticket to the Haunted Halloween trail" winning story, complete with pictures and all.

The Three Mutant Alien Pigs

Once upon a time there were three Mutant Alien Pigs. Their names were Mario, Alfonzo and Jerry. They were too old to live with their mother so they got into their spaceship and flew to the Planet Eggplant. But before they left their mother told them to watch out for the Big Bad Mutant Space Wolf. They told her not to worry; then they left.

Mario was looking for a spot for his house when he saw a spot for his house. He saw a big box of Cracker Jacks just sitting there. He had a great idea. A hosue built from Cracker Jacks! So he did.

Alfonzo was doing the same when he saw a Big Orange selling little oranges. He had the same idea. (But with oranges.) So he built his house. Now I know what you are thinking. Houses made from food? Let's just say they aren't very smart.

Now onto the older, smarter Jerry. Jerry saw a metal store so he went inside and bought a 5000 lbs mix of titanium steel, and built his house from that. Then an unknown spaceship landed in Eggplant and out came a bounty hunter named "The Big Bad Mutant Space Wolf." He came to capture the pigs because they were on the F.B.I. most wanted list, and the F.B.I. sent the wolf to capture the pigs!

First he went to Mario's house. He knocked on the door. "Let me in you Mutant Alien Pig!", cried the wolf.

"Not for all the Cracker Jacks in my house!", shouted the pig.

"Then I'll throw a watermelon at your house.", said the wolf. And he did.

So Mario got in his hover craft and flew to Alfonzo's house. He told him everything. Then the wolf came along. The pigs didn't let him in. So he threw another melon and of course it broke the house. So Mario and Alfonzo flew to Jerry's house. They told him everything. Then along came the wolf. He did the whole watermelon thing. But this time it didn't work. So the wolf went down the chimney but Jerry tazed him. He was so scared he left Eggplant. He reported back to the police chief and was slapped across the face and sent to the deserted Planet Grapefruit never to be seen again.

P.S. The pigs are still on the lose.

Too proud of him to speak... but did I mention he won "a free ticket to the Haunted Halloween trail!" :)